Thanks to the Orange Rhino, I have been tracking what triggers yelling. And actually I have yelled less the last few days knowing that I am tracking the triggers. Not that I am trying to skew the results, because I still know when I want to yell, but being conscious of that makes me cool it before I lose it. Now having said that ~ the triggers are somewhat surprising. The example provided in the document show a lot of the yelling had to do with the parent and just a little to do with the child. Not enough prep time so rushing, not paying attention to the child, etc. While I won't say this isn't at all the case with me, it is less about not having time and being rushed than behaviors.
While I know there are times I get anxious when we are running late (which is all the time since I am NEVER on time) I don't yell as much then. I actually lose it when a particular behavior from my child triggers the insanity in my brain. Just like a dripping faucet over time causes you to want to cut your ears off, the constant whining and sassing and fighting and back talking and disobeying makes me want to pack my bags or yell. Whichever is quickest.
Let's face it, other than school in the morning, where do I go? Let's not count Sundays ~ which really don't trigger my anxiety anyway because I go in at 7:30 and the fam follows around 9:30. So lack of planning really isn't the issue, because we pretty much have mornings down. I just have to get 3 kiddos to school, one at 6 a.m. and the other two by 7:45 and 7:50. I don't have to be anywhere. No one cares if my clothes are on instead of jams, my teeth are brushed, or if my hair needs washed. Nope, my triggers are the constant drip, drip, drip of the whine. When I looked at when I yelled or wanted to, it was listening to someone tell me she was bored, she doesn't like her toys, she doesn't want to clean, she doesn't want me to clean, B got to pick the last show, she wants whatever is on the commercial right now, etc. Or when I tell her four times to do something. Or I tell B to pick up his toys and he tells me to pack them up, he would rather they were packed up than have to clean. Or when I have hit my limit with clutter and no one sees it.
I don't think it has anything to do with me ignoring them. Or me not having planned early enough. Although these things do happen from time to time. Nope. My spoiled children {whom I love dearly and would give my life for} believe they are entitled to 24/7 entertainment. They want me to entertain them and don't have the imagination skills necessary to entertain themselves. Was it television? Was it being in daycare? What gives them this mentality that I must be at their beck and call?
I have a house to run ~ cleaning, laundry, bills, fixing meals, raising kids ~ and a part time job contracting for the state, and watching the twins, as well as worship team, Women's ministry leader, and wife. I have cut some things out of my life to accommodate those people and roles that mean the most to me. I spent the last two days keeping them occupied and that felt good. However, as soon as I stopped to work on something else yesterday afternoon the bickering and whining started.
So yes, Orange Rhino, I have tracked my triggers. And I am going to work on them. But I have also figured out that it is not always my response to my children that is the problem. We need to work on teaching the kids to entertain themselves, to be able to do things on their own. For my sanity and their own good.
Showing posts with label Orange Rhino. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Orange Rhino. Show all posts
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Dr Seuss Day, Snow Day #4, Orange Rhino #3
I decided to celebrate Dr Seuss's birthday today, even though it isn't until Saturday. The kids would be back in school by then and we wouldn't have had the fun and the crafts and the reading time we could have if we did it today.
We started off the day making green eggs and ham. The kiddos helped make it.
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For lunch, we were inspired by Wacky Wednesday, even though we couldn't find the book and A helped me make silly hot dogs for lunch.
We read The Foot Book and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Then did a craft using the kiddos hand prints. Here is A's pic and craft, with this looking a little like her first mug shot with the tousled hair, funny face, and holding a sign. Really she was making fish lips.
Last we made spaghetti noodles to match the colorful designs on the front of the book Oh the Places You'll Go!
We started off the day making green eggs and ham. The kiddos helped make it.
Then we had a "picnic" in the living room (since there was a foot and a half of snow outside) and read Green Eggs and Ham.
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For lunch, we were inspired by Wacky Wednesday, even though we couldn't find the book and A helped me make silly hot dogs for lunch.
We read The Foot Book and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Then did a craft using the kiddos hand prints. Here is A's pic and craft, with this looking a little like her first mug shot with the tousled hair, funny face, and holding a sign. Really she was making fish lips.
Here is B's craft. He fell asleep after the hands were traced and before they were all cut and ready to put on.
During the boys' naps, A and I made chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies with Cat in the Hat's hat and 1 and 2 (for Thing 1 and Thing 2). We read The Cat in the Hat and Oh the Places You'll Go. The cookie pic is below and even though it was right on my camera, the blog insists on turning the pic.
Then the kiddos decided we needed to really act silly for Wacky Wednesday and put on their dad's underwear and tshirts. Yep, those are his Christmas undies with lovely Christmas bulbs and yes, those are his undies around B's neck. I'd make a face like that too B.
Daddy read them 6 Caillou books and mama gave up. I'm tired. Thank goodness tomorrow is a school day, not a snow day.
Thank you Dr Seuss for inspiring us, even after you left this life.
Thank you school board for having school back in session.
Thank you Orange Rhino for reminding me to track my triggers. I didn't write them down yet but the majority were caused by a certain little guy and his sister fighting, punching, hitting and no one minding today. I'm sure the spilled red Koolaid on the brown carpet didn't help, but I didn't yell. I'm sure the messy house didn't help, but I didn't yell. I'm sure the whining and not minding didn't help, but I spanked a hiney and I feel better now. So does the child.
Today was a success. Today was tiring. I am thankful for teachers who do this every day. With at least 15 more than I have to entertain.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr Seuss (March 2, 1904 – September 24, 1991)
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Orange Rhino Day 2, 70s Day, and I am stronger willed than You
Sounds like I started Orange Rhino at the perfect time. Today, I am supposed to track my triggers. Those things that make me want to yell. So here goes.
Third snow day in six days. That doesn't sound like much, unless you consider that 2 of those days that weren't snow days were weekend days. So 5 out of the last six days finds the 5 of us together. In a house that is super small, thanks to my need to downsize. My 2000s kiddos don't know what to do with themselves. They are bored. They don't like to clean. They don't like their room. They don't like their toys. They don't want me to clean their room because they don't want me to get rid of said toys that they don't like. BUT I let them run amok the first two snow days. They built forts and brought most of their toys into the living room and watched tv and played outside, etc. Then the weekend brought the hysterical non-yelling, toy trashing fit I wrote about yesterday. Yesterday was just B and me, so I crafted, feeling suddenly creative. But today, cleaning MUST happen. I realize the four people who live with me don't see a mess. They don't see the clutter. They don't see the floors that need swept, the dishes that need done, the toys that need picked up, or the laundry on the floor. But normal people do. I do.
I warned them early that I would be cleaning. The hubs took notice, then reminded me I should have it clean a day earlier than I originally said. Brave. That man.
I fixed the pipsqueaks b & g at their request for breakfast. Then I sat down and watched the last half of two different half hour shows that I tried to watch over the last few days but didn't get the entire half hour watched. That is when all **ll broke loose. B at some point dumped an entire brand new bottle of shampoo because he "wanted to". A wanted to watch a show, but I told them both to go to their rooms and clean. A started whining saying she didn't want to clean, or pick up toys, or do what I said, or...well you get the picture. She went on and on for several minutes. She was bored, she wanted to do what SHE wanted to do not what I wanted her to do. Because all I do is watch tv and craft.
BAM. In what normally would have been the start of a yelling match, I decided to try and remember not to yell (thank you Orange Rhino) and decided to love her more than an argument. I simply silenced her, then explained how we grew up in the 70s. No 200 channels on television (eyes wide), no Internet (eyes a little wider), no Xbox (eyes even wilder and almost panicked now), no Kindle (that about did her in). We had to use our imagination (I promptly explained what that was) and we colored and painted and played games and played with our siblings and played outside and weren't wusses about it. I am sure at this point my mother is gagging and laughing and rolling her eyes. But this is what I remember about the 70s. I sent little girl to her room. Where she picked back up her tirade of not liking anything. I calmly went to her room and spanked her behind. Yeah, I spanked her. 70s style. Deal with it.
She got smart finally and got quiet. A little while later, B started to paint and I invited A to join him. Little Ms Sunshine came out and painted and she has been just fine since then. We are doing 70s day today. No television. No sassing. No games. No Kindle (I hid hers). No Internet for those under 16. They have painted, and taken the sheets off their beds, and read books for 20 minutes, and played. And off and on all day, they will do chores. Not huge ones, but chores. It won't hurt them. And maybe, just maybe, they will find their imaginations before the end of the day.
Third snow day in six days. That doesn't sound like much, unless you consider that 2 of those days that weren't snow days were weekend days. So 5 out of the last six days finds the 5 of us together. In a house that is super small, thanks to my need to downsize. My 2000s kiddos don't know what to do with themselves. They are bored. They don't like to clean. They don't like their room. They don't like their toys. They don't want me to clean their room because they don't want me to get rid of said toys that they don't like. BUT I let them run amok the first two snow days. They built forts and brought most of their toys into the living room and watched tv and played outside, etc. Then the weekend brought the hysterical non-yelling, toy trashing fit I wrote about yesterday. Yesterday was just B and me, so I crafted, feeling suddenly creative. But today, cleaning MUST happen. I realize the four people who live with me don't see a mess. They don't see the clutter. They don't see the floors that need swept, the dishes that need done, the toys that need picked up, or the laundry on the floor. But normal people do. I do.
I warned them early that I would be cleaning. The hubs took notice, then reminded me I should have it clean a day earlier than I originally said. Brave. That man.
I fixed the pipsqueaks b & g at their request for breakfast. Then I sat down and watched the last half of two different half hour shows that I tried to watch over the last few days but didn't get the entire half hour watched. That is when all **ll broke loose. B at some point dumped an entire brand new bottle of shampoo because he "wanted to". A wanted to watch a show, but I told them both to go to their rooms and clean. A started whining saying she didn't want to clean, or pick up toys, or do what I said, or...well you get the picture. She went on and on for several minutes. She was bored, she wanted to do what SHE wanted to do not what I wanted her to do. Because all I do is watch tv and craft.
BAM. In what normally would have been the start of a yelling match, I decided to try and remember not to yell (thank you Orange Rhino) and decided to love her more than an argument. I simply silenced her, then explained how we grew up in the 70s. No 200 channels on television (eyes wide), no Internet (eyes a little wider), no Xbox (eyes even wilder and almost panicked now), no Kindle (that about did her in). We had to use our imagination (I promptly explained what that was) and we colored and painted and played games and played with our siblings and played outside and weren't wusses about it. I am sure at this point my mother is gagging and laughing and rolling her eyes. But this is what I remember about the 70s. I sent little girl to her room. Where she picked back up her tirade of not liking anything. I calmly went to her room and spanked her behind. Yeah, I spanked her. 70s style. Deal with it.
She got smart finally and got quiet. A little while later, B started to paint and I invited A to join him. Little Ms Sunshine came out and painted and she has been just fine since then. We are doing 70s day today. No television. No sassing. No games. No Kindle (I hid hers). No Internet for those under 16. They have painted, and taken the sheets off their beds, and read books for 20 minutes, and played. And off and on all day, they will do chores. Not huge ones, but chores. It won't hurt them. And maybe, just maybe, they will find their imaginations before the end of the day.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Orange Rhino
Thank goodness for colorful animals. I mean really, they make our lives more interesting, don't you think?
You know me. Scatter-brained. Half-baked ideas that I haven't thought all the way through. Change my mind. Change my attitude (sometimes). Orange.
So tired lately. Depressed maybe, except I don't feel sad. Stressed out for sure. Wondering where I fit in, if I do. What is my role? Why is my house always a mess? Why don't my kids listen? Rhino.
I tried the 40 days of less, and while I didn't blog about it, I did get some accomplished. I still turned 42. My house is still a mess. BUT I did throw a lot away. I did lose a few pounds. I did survive the auction. I did sell some stuff. I did lighten my responsibility load (blogging was even one!). Not enough, of any of it. Except the auction. THAT was a success.
So today, I am being transparent. Or going to try to be. I am joining 652 other people and the Orange Rhino. Yeah, I'm finally getting to that. This is a challenge to yell less. I don't yell all the time. I didn't used to yell much. Now I am not sure how much I yell and how much I just act insane. But I was reminded by a devotion/blog post this morning that children look to their parents as examples of what God is, who He is. Now that folks, is quite scary. Will my kids see God as a deity who has mood swings as far as the east is from the west? Or will they see that "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12). Will they see that He is loving and compassionate or will they see that there is no room for grace when the dishes aren't done?
So the Orange Rhino (http://www.facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino?fref=ts) has challenged us to not yell for 30 days. Really though, the first ten days is learning about ourselves and why we yell so we can get around to not yelling by day 11. I have such hopes, but I also know I stayed up way too late last night, my house is still a mess, my kids are still not perfect, and I am still semi-depressed without the sadness. We are supposed to comment on her blog (link not provided because this is just for the 653 of us) with our answers to our questions, but I decided to put mine here. Just so you know, I may not blog every day (we saw where the less for 40 worked out). But if I put it out here and my 12 regular readers know it, whomever you may be, up to the 40-ish that often read ~ I have to really try to stick to it. Because I don't know WHO is reading and WHO might keep me accountable.
So here goes...
Step 1 - On a piece of paper, either in a journal or single sheet, draw a line down the middle. Write YELLED on one side, LOVED on the other. All day, every time you yell put a tally mark in that side, every moment you caught yourself and didn’t yell put a tally in the loved side. At the end of the day, put this piece of paper someone where you can see it for motivation.
This should be interesting. My "Yelled" side should be pretty empty considering the kids go to school until 11 (for B) and 315 (A & J). Then tonight I am going out with the girls, so no hollering there. Seems like I have today in the bag. ha ha, we will see.
Step 2 - Write down the one yelling moment that you feel was the worst parenting disaster ever; the moment you don’t like to talk about. Be descriptive. How did you feel in the moment? Minutes later? Days or months later? What did your kids faces look like? What did they say?
This I can do. I can't say that I have one single yelling moment that made me feel bad, that there is one that I don't like to talk about. I have many. Several. A whole bunch. Anytime I lose my temper. Little stars start popping in my vision. That I yell loudly or act like I have the most humongous bee in my britches (which I did yesterday and I didn't even yell ~ they all just ran around freaking out because I was acting like their toys personally offended me and I was throwing them in trash bags). I try not to say hateful things about the child, but my screaming and yelling is so full of hatefulness it just drips. And splashes. And smears. And just moments later, I feel horrific. Like the drops of hatefulness were actually drops of blood from my babies' broken hearts. I look around at the destruction and it is more than I can bear. But 'fess up that I was wrong? I'll do it if Michael is not around, but won't if he is. I'll grab them and hold them and tell them I am sorry and I love them. But damage is done. They saw the crazy in me popping up. The crazy that says I am not in control and I want to be. The crazy that says I need grace. God forgives me. He gives me grace when I fall on my face and ask.
That is what my children need to see, if I mess up. And so they have. Many times. But now I want to strive to show them what it looks like to have grace for another. I want to show them all the forgiveness and grace that my Father shows me. So Orange Rhino it is.
Father give me strength to know when I am wrong, to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness, to figure out how to tame my tongue and only use it for love and praise, and to show my babies how much You love them.
James 3: 5-10
5 So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. 6 And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell.
7 Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 We praise our Lord and Father with it, and we curse men who are made in God’s likeness with it. 10 Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers, these things should not be this way.
You know me. Scatter-brained. Half-baked ideas that I haven't thought all the way through. Change my mind. Change my attitude (sometimes). Orange.
So tired lately. Depressed maybe, except I don't feel sad. Stressed out for sure. Wondering where I fit in, if I do. What is my role? Why is my house always a mess? Why don't my kids listen? Rhino.
I tried the 40 days of less, and while I didn't blog about it, I did get some accomplished. I still turned 42. My house is still a mess. BUT I did throw a lot away. I did lose a few pounds. I did survive the auction. I did sell some stuff. I did lighten my responsibility load (blogging was even one!). Not enough, of any of it. Except the auction. THAT was a success.
So today, I am being transparent. Or going to try to be. I am joining 652 other people and the Orange Rhino. Yeah, I'm finally getting to that. This is a challenge to yell less. I don't yell all the time. I didn't used to yell much. Now I am not sure how much I yell and how much I just act insane. But I was reminded by a devotion/blog post this morning that children look to their parents as examples of what God is, who He is. Now that folks, is quite scary. Will my kids see God as a deity who has mood swings as far as the east is from the west? Or will they see that "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12). Will they see that He is loving and compassionate or will they see that there is no room for grace when the dishes aren't done?
So the Orange Rhino (http://www.facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino?fref=ts) has challenged us to not yell for 30 days. Really though, the first ten days is learning about ourselves and why we yell so we can get around to not yelling by day 11. I have such hopes, but I also know I stayed up way too late last night, my house is still a mess, my kids are still not perfect, and I am still semi-depressed without the sadness. We are supposed to comment on her blog (link not provided because this is just for the 653 of us) with our answers to our questions, but I decided to put mine here. Just so you know, I may not blog every day (we saw where the less for 40 worked out). But if I put it out here and my 12 regular readers know it, whomever you may be, up to the 40-ish that often read ~ I have to really try to stick to it. Because I don't know WHO is reading and WHO might keep me accountable.
So here goes...
Step 1 - On a piece of paper, either in a journal or single sheet, draw a line down the middle. Write YELLED on one side, LOVED on the other. All day, every time you yell put a tally mark in that side, every moment you caught yourself and didn’t yell put a tally in the loved side. At the end of the day, put this piece of paper someone where you can see it for motivation.
This should be interesting. My "Yelled" side should be pretty empty considering the kids go to school until 11 (for B) and 315 (A & J). Then tonight I am going out with the girls, so no hollering there. Seems like I have today in the bag. ha ha, we will see.
Step 2 - Write down the one yelling moment that you feel was the worst parenting disaster ever; the moment you don’t like to talk about. Be descriptive. How did you feel in the moment? Minutes later? Days or months later? What did your kids faces look like? What did they say?
This I can do. I can't say that I have one single yelling moment that made me feel bad, that there is one that I don't like to talk about. I have many. Several. A whole bunch. Anytime I lose my temper. Little stars start popping in my vision. That I yell loudly or act like I have the most humongous bee in my britches (which I did yesterday and I didn't even yell ~ they all just ran around freaking out because I was acting like their toys personally offended me and I was throwing them in trash bags). I try not to say hateful things about the child, but my screaming and yelling is so full of hatefulness it just drips. And splashes. And smears. And just moments later, I feel horrific. Like the drops of hatefulness were actually drops of blood from my babies' broken hearts. I look around at the destruction and it is more than I can bear. But 'fess up that I was wrong? I'll do it if Michael is not around, but won't if he is. I'll grab them and hold them and tell them I am sorry and I love them. But damage is done. They saw the crazy in me popping up. The crazy that says I am not in control and I want to be. The crazy that says I need grace. God forgives me. He gives me grace when I fall on my face and ask.
That is what my children need to see, if I mess up. And so they have. Many times. But now I want to strive to show them what it looks like to have grace for another. I want to show them all the forgiveness and grace that my Father shows me. So Orange Rhino it is.
Father give me strength to know when I am wrong, to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness, to figure out how to tame my tongue and only use it for love and praise, and to show my babies how much You love them.
James 3: 5-10
5 So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. 6 And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell.
7 Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 We praise our Lord and Father with it, and we curse men who are made in God’s likeness with it. 10 Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers, these things should not be this way.
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