I eluded before to feeling a little down, and I have been. Maybe it is like after Christmas, when you are sad the holidays are over. You leave the tree up a while, thinking that the blues will stay away while the tree is up and in a way, they do. But some underlying current keeps reminding you that the tree is going to come down, because the holiday season is over.
I am not ready to pack away my London experience - it was simply quite amazing. I totally have a heart for this lovely country and a heart for its people. I could definitely see myself moving there. Of course, there are 5 people who wouldn't come with me, so maybe I will just dream about it.
However, since I came back from London, I think my blues are a little more than it being over. Satan has been on the attack in my heart and in my mind. To quote a friend of my daughter's, "Satan is a punk." And that he is. He has been nailing me with a barrage of self-doubts, from my choice to stay at home to women's ministry to parenting to friends to my current hometown.
I feel like he knows his time is short so he is trying so hard to crush and distort any witness I have. In some instances, he prevails. I lose my temper or I make comments or have actions that are not pleasing to God. And in that instant, my witness is ruined. Why do I keep letting him attack me and not cover myself with God's armor? Why do I keep letting him pull me down? Because I have not fully turned this over to God, by prayer and petition, by reading God's word and by having faith that His promises are true.
Once I realized this, I have chosen to say what Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:23 "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns."
I am still super self-conscious about those things that Satan has been attacking, and it will take some time, but I have faith that in time my spirits will be lifted, my heart and mind will be strengthened, and Satan will no longer have a stronghold.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.