Thursday, July 19, 2012

Changing my Mind

I've changed my mind.  I'm not going to London.  At least that is the part of my brain who keeps remembering that I am going to be flying.  Over water.  See, I didn't think that one all the way through when I signed up for this trip.  They said London, I said heck yeah.  They said Olympics, I said of course.  Then somewhere in the early, early hours of the morning the next day...I had it.  Signer-upper's remorse.  I totally sat upright in bed around 3:00 a.m. the next morning and said WHAT HAVE I DONE?  I have been in denial for the last several months.  Yeah, I am going to London.  I can't wait to see what God has in store.  But will you build me a bridge to London?  Like London Bridge, or something. 

This is where God comes in.  I believe I was supposed to be in London.  The funds were made available IMMEDIATELY upon my decision to go, which is when the first installment was due.  Then we had fundraisers and the funds were available when they needed to be.  Then the last payment was due and it was paid that week.  See?  He made it financially possible. 

He has prepared my heart for going to London.  I have participated in three different Bible Studies over the summer - one specifically written for London, Nehemiah, and No Other Gods.  Between the three of them, God has spoken to me - how my heart must be broken for the world around me, how I can't hold on to those things or people that I place before God when God is calling me to go. 

And yet, there is still one place where I am not ready to go.  That is in the deepest part of my psyche that says "You are going to be flying.  Over water." 

So when you get on your knees either figuratively or physically tonight and for the next couple of weeks, please pray for me that I will not FREAK OUT when the plane takes off AND especially when we go over water.  I know in my normal, smart brain that everything will be okay regardless.  But in my deep, down, where nobody goes, subconscience I have a completely irrational fear of flying over water.  So please just ask God to remove that irrational fear because if God is for me, who can be against me?

I am going to London.  In four and a half days.

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